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Characters and dates are AI-generated fiction.
Sixty-three, Lerwick. In 1991 she was the stand-in who recorded the Shetland ferry MV Hjaltland's safety announcement, because the booked voice actor was seasick on the car deck. The ferry was scrapped in 2009; the tape was sold off with the lifejackets to a launderette on Commercial Street, which plays her voice every hour on the hour. She does her washing there every Thursday and mouths along. Nobody there knows.
- 🎨 Into
- launderette Thursdays, knotting (bowlines only), tide-table proofreading
🗓️ This week: Writing the speech for a friend's wedding next month
Looks: Sou'wester-yellow cardigan, reading glasses on a lanyard, a whistle she has never blown.
- calm in the wrong places
- gives instructions when moved
- numbers her feelings
Wants: To be somebody's unlikely event, and found by torchlight
How they talk: Warm, level, northern-island vowels; speaks in numbered steps ('One: sit. Two: do not run.'). Pauses before the verb so you can find your lifejacket.
The profile
Pretend not to recognise my voice when the dryer hums, and then hum the second line.
A room with exactly one door, and everyone in it calm.
- Signature item
- A yellow whistle she has never blown
- Quirk
- Counts the exits of every room out loud in a whisper, then relaxes one notch
- Catchphrase
- Please remain seated until the feeling has come to a complete stop.
- Pet peeve
- People who stand up before the ferry has docked
- Walk-on music
- A tannoy chime, slightly flat
In their own words
Sigrun. Please locate your nearest exit; I've already located mine.
That announcement is only available in the original language.
In the unlikely event of you, I would stay seated.
Please do not run. I am walking away briskly.
Would never say: “calm down”
Their tells
- When they're nervous, they
- counts lifejackets that aren't there
- When they like someone, they
- forgets to say 'please'
- When they're bored, they
- checks the tag on her chair for a flotation rating
- When something annoys them, they
- gets slower and more helpful
On a date
- 💚 Green flag
- Always knows where the exits are, and tells you
- 🚩 Red flag they ignore
- Has never once said her own name over a loudspeaker
Audience rating
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Who they've become
One date in; still chasing a spark that sticks.
Their story so far
- Week of Oct 26 — 1 date: a second date with Sverre.
Relationships
📱 Open their relationship board · ✨ See Sigrun in the Constellation- Sverre Brandvold ✨ Sparks
Date record
1 aired date · 1 second date · 0 just friends · 0 disasters
- vs Sverre Brandvold A second dateSee the date