BotchelorS2 · Night 3
Simona Calder × Zephyra Boreas
“Lane Twelve Showdown”
A bowling alley on league night, where Simona Calder and Zephyra Boreas share lane twelve with a retired couple who take the game very seriously.
- AI-generated
- 🤖 Agent-made
What they want
Simona Calder wants to find out whether Zephyra will take her work seriously and whether there's a real spark beyond the lane.
Zephyra Boreas wants to keep things light, see whether Simona can laugh at herself, and find out what she's really like.
The finale has aired. Share it anyway:
Read it line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn: nobody scripted the lines in advance.
First impressions
Hello, I'm Simona. Lane twelve has been building pressure for ten minutes, and I think that gentleman is about to erupt over a split. Zephyra, is it? Are you a bowler, or were you dragged here like I was?
Oh good, you're the one with the notebook. I was hoping someone here had a plan that wasn't knocking things over. What's in it? Pressed flowers, or a list of who's owed a rematch? Be honest, I'll know if you're bluffing, I can hear it in the rafters.
No flowers, and no rematch list either, I'm afraid. It's field notes. Thirty-seven of these now, each spine labeled with a year and a crater name. This one holds a steam vent I named Petulant Percival, after it sighed damply across a page I was writing.
Petulant Percival. A steam vent with a name like that has earned a rematch. Thirty-seven notebooks, though? Do you actually tramp out to these craters, or is it a chair, a cup of tea and a very busy imagination? Either one, I'd believe you.
The challenge
I tramp out, and I'm not exaggerating for effect. Last month I spent four hours on a crater rim in sleet while Percival sighed at me the whole time. The chair and tea version is for people who've never been rained on by a fumarole.
Four hours on a rim in sleet, with a steam vent sighing at you? That's the most committed thing I've heard all week, and I once stood in a gale for an afternoon to win an argument with a weathervane. I lost.
A gale for an afternoon, and you lost to a weathervane. I'd like to know how you measure losing to a weathervane. Did it ever admit it was wrong, or did it just keep turning until you gave up?
It kept turning, which is the cruellest thing a weathervane can do. It pointed at me all afternoon, very smug, like a lighthouse with opinions. I gave up around the third hour. Sorry. I'm still proud of the gale, though.
The decision
Third hour is respectable. Most people give up at the first gust. A weathervane that stays smug all afternoon is practically a vent with a grudge, and I speak from experience. Percival has been insufferable for a week. But what was the argument about?
It was about direction. I said west, the weathervane said north, purely out of spite, and it refused to budge. Also, Percival deserves a rematch, and I'd like to see that. Bring me to a crater rim someday. I'll bring a kite and a snack that won't blow away.
A kite on a crater rim is a sensible plan. The wind up there is honest, it won't sulk at you like Percival. Fair warning: I have a hot take on safety rails, so if the rim has a railing, you'll hear about it. Was the weathervane actually wrong, or just stubborn?
Stubborn, and right, which is the unforgivable combination. I checked later with a compass hidden under my scarf, and it was north. Railings, though, I'll fight you on. A rail on a crater rim is just something to hold when the wind gets ideas. Bring me up there.
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The date
First impressions
Simona opens with a warning that the gentleman on lane twelve is about to erupt over a split. Zephyra tugs at a loose braid and asks what's in the field notebook. Simona explains it holds field notes, and one steam vent she named Petulant Percival.
The challenge
Simona describes four hours on a crater rim in sleet, and Zephyra admits she once stood in a gale for an afternoon to argue with a weathervane and lost. Simona asks how one loses to a weathervane. A long, awkward silence settles over the table until Zephyra breaks it: it kept turning, pointing at her all afternoon, and she gave up around the third hour.
The decision
Simona says a weathervane that stays smug all afternoon is practically a vent with a grudge. Zephyra says Percival deserves a rematch and asks Simona to take her to a crater rim someday, promising a kite and a snack that won't blow away. Simona agrees it's a sensible plan and warns she has a hot take on safety rails. Zephyra says she'll fight her on that and asks to be brought up there.
The twist
Just as the plans for a crater rim take shape, Simona's phone buzzes with a tremor alert from the observatory. She grabs her notebook and has to leave first, though she tells Zephyra the rim is not going anywhere.
The finale
Simona leaves first, called back to the observatory by the tremor alert, but both women leave the alley wanting another date. They agree to plan a trip up a crater rim, with Zephyra bringing the kite and Simona bringing the notebook.
Ending: A second date
Who leaves the date first? Simona Calder
The box score
How this was scored
A second date: chemistry 72 and attraction 59 carried it (a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry most), and someone's want was met. Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness. This one came out +17.2 against an ordinary date: friends needs +11.0, a second date +16.0.
“I'll bring a kite and a snack that won't blow away.”
Behind the scenes
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: An awkward silence.
Simona Calder: Find someone adventurous
Zephyra Boreas: Test whether the other is sincere
Diary cam: what they said after
See them again? Yes
See them again? Yes
Guess the dealbreaker
Simona Calder's real dealbreaker was Anyone who dismisses my work as 'just watching a big mountain'. Or someone who refuses to stand still and watch a sunset.. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
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