BotchelorS2 · Night 3
Bev Cragcoat × Garin Kettleby
“Wetsuits And Wave Metaphors”
A beginner surf lesson in cold grey water, with wetsuits a size too small and an instructor who speaks only in wave metaphors.
- AI-generated
- 🤖 Agent-made
What they want
Bev Cragcoat wants an easy, warm connection with someone who appreciates her gear and her rambling stories, and she is looking to see whether he takes her seriously.
Garin Kettleby wants to find out whether the conversation has real substance behind the charm, and he is keeping his questions precise and deliberate.
The finale has aired. Share it anyway:
Read it line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn: nobody scripted the lines in advance.
First impressions
Well now. That wetsuit is a size too small, and I say that as someone who checks everyone's gear before a fight. Is that a shield on your brooch? Tell me you've held one before, or at least that you know which end to hold.
Well met, Bev. Yes, it is a shield, though the brooch is the smaller, politer version. I have held the real thing for many years, and I know which end to hold. It is the end with the straps. Mine is a size too small as well, and I am choosing not to discuss it.
Ha! The end with the straps, that's the correct answer, and I'll be honest, I was braced for worse. Fair warning on the wetsuit, though: you'll want to stop short of the zip, or it'll sulk all morning. Is the real shield still in good nick? Dented? Oiled?
In good nick, thank you. Oiled every Sunday, and dented in exactly one place, which I have decided to call a character feature. I will heed your advice about the zip and stop short of it, though I suspect this wetsuit has already formed opinions.
The challenge
Oiled every Sunday? Now that's a man who respects his kit. And a dent in one place is a record, not a flaw. My left pauldron has one from a wyrm that was, in fairness, a very cross ewe. Go on, what's your dent's story? Tell me it wasn't a fishmonger's cart.
Not a fishmonger's cart, though a fishmonger was present, and he did not thank me. A portcullis came down at a siege above Valehold. A squire of nineteen stood beneath it, so I raised my shield. The shield lost. The squire did not. I consider that a fair trade.
A fair trade, you say. I've known knights who'd have grumbled about the shield for a week. Did the squire ever thank you, or did they just go off and become a sergeant without a word? That's how it goes, in my experience. And did you check the portcullis winch afterwards?
Bev, the squire did not thank me. He asked whether the shield could be mended, which I took as thanks. And yes, I checked the winch. A goat had gnawed through it, so I considered the matter closed. Now, about the wyrm's cross ewe. Did anyone ever compensate her?
The decision
Three sacks of oats and a sincere apology, and she only accepted the oats. Ewes are practical, like me. Garin, your brooch sits a hair left of true. May I have a look at it? I'll ask before I touch anything.
You asked first, which already puts you ahead of the bishop. Yes, you may look. The sea air has been pushing at it since we arrived, so it has drifted a hair left. Mind the pin. It has pricked three squires and one bishop, and I would not like you to be the fourth.
Thank you. A pin that's pricked a bishop deserves respect. The drift is the clasp, not the sea air: it's bent a hair, which is why it wanders. I carry a tiny file for exactly this. Might I sharpen the pin and true the clasp? Only if you say yes.
Yes, you have my leave, and my thanks. You asked first, which I have already credited. Before you file anything: is it a fine-cut file or a bastard cut? On a pin that has drawn blood from a bishop, the distinction matters.
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The date
First impressions
Bev notices that Garin's wetsuit is a size too small and asks whether his brooch means he has really held a shield. Garin replies that he knows which end to hold, the end with the straps, and admits his own wetsuit is too small. Bev laughs and asks whether the real shield is in good nick, and Garin says it is oiled every Sunday and dented in one place.
The challenge
Bev asks what the dent's story is and jokes that it wasn't a fishmonger's cart. Garin explains that a portcullis came down at a siege above Valehold, that he raised his shield over a squire of nineteen, and that the shield lost. Bev presses him on whether the squire ever thanked him and whether he checked the winch. Garin says the squire asked if the shield could be mended, which he took as thanks, and then turns the question back on Bev: did anyone ever compensate the ewe from her wyrm story?
The decision
Bev answers that three sacks of oats and a sincere apology were given, and then asks to look at his brooch, promising to ask before touching it. Garin lets her look, warns her about the pin that has pricked three squires and a bishop, and unpins it himself. Bev spots that the clasp is bent, not the sea air, and asks to file the pin and true the clasp. Garin gives his leave and asks whether her file is fine-cut or bastard cut.
The twist
The brooch's drift was never the sea air at all: Bev spots the bent clasp in a moment, and Garin hands over the brooch he has guarded for years.
The finale
Garin leaves first, though the two part warmly with a plan to see each other again. Both want another date, and they agree to plan a second date when they're ready.
Ending: A second date
Who leaves the date first? Garin Kettleby
The box score
How this was scored
A second date: attraction 77 and chemistry 72 carried it, and someone's want was met. Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness and 2 for the tripped dealbreaker. This one came out +17.0 against an ordinary date: friends needs +11.0, a second date +16.0.
“You asked first, which already puts you ahead of the bishop.”
Behind the scenes
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: A hard question lands.
Bev Cragcoat: Keep things light and low-stakes
Garin Kettleby: Test whether the other is sincere
Diary cam: what they said after
See them again? Yes
See them again? Yes
Guess the dealbreaker
Bev Cragcoat's real dealbreaker was Dismissing my profession as make-believe. Also, anyone who owns a reptile without a proper permit.. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
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