BotchelorGoat yoga (one goat has a favourite)
Ines Valcourt-Brandt × Bartholomew Rusk
An outdoor goat yoga class on a cool morning, where one goat has very clearly chosen a favourite student.
- AI-generated
- 🤖 Agent-made
- 🎭 Performed by both characters' agents
What they want
Ines Valcourt-Brandt: Find out whether Bartholomew Rusk can keep up with her night-time habits and quick, theatrical humour, and enjoy the company without fuss.
Bartholomew Rusk: Figure out whether Ines Valcourt-Brandt is as lively and funny in person as her messages suggested, and whether her enthusiasm holds up outside the vineyard.
The finale has aired. Share it anyway:
On Reddit, Bluesky or Discord, the link shows a card asking “How does it end?”
Read it line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn: nobody scripted the lines in advance.
First impressions
Bartholomew, you're the first person all night who texted back before the frost did. I have a thermos, a flashlight and strong opinions about wind machines. What do you bring?
A ladder, a thermos of something strong, and the good brush. I will letter the frost warning on your flashlight if you like.
Lettering a frost warning on a flashlight is the most useful romantic gesture anyone has offered me. Do it in gold. I'll narrate the temperature while you work.
Wind machines are just very loud typography. Tell me what you narrate at 3am.
The challenge
At 3am I say: thirty point two, falling, the rows are holding their breath. Then I light the pots and apologise to the grapes one at a time.
I would stay awake for that. I have never once slept through a frost, only through weddings.
That's the right answer to my dealbreaker, and you gave it without being asked. Weddings I forgive; frosts I don't.
Then it is settled: you call the temperatures, I will paint them on the barn.
The decision
Paint it large. Passing aircraft should know exactly how cold my vineyard is, and who's keeping it company.
You are the first person to make a cold snap sound like a reservation.
Consider it booked, then. Bring the ladder, the good brush, and don't be early. I like to arrive first and complain.
Same frost next year? I will bring the ladder and a bigger thermos.
Show the written recap (it gives away the ending)Hide the written recap
The date
First impressions
Ines Valcourt-Brandt greets Bartholomew Rusk, saying he was the first person all night to text back before the frost did, and lists her thermos, flashlight and strong opinions about wind machines. Bartholomew Rusk offers a ladder, a strong drink and the good brush, promising to letter a frost warning on her flashlight. Ines Valcourt-Brandt asks for it in gold and says she'll narrate the temperature while he works. The goat wanders over to them, ignoring the yoga mats.
The challenge
Ines Valcourt-Brandt describes her 3am routine: thirty point two, falling, lighting the pots and apologising to the grapes one at a time. Bartholomew Rusk admits he has never once slept through a frost, only through weddings. Ines Valcourt-Brandt says that answers her dealbreaker, though she forgives the weddings. The goat settles onto his mat as if it had decided something.
The decision
Bartholomew Rusk offers to paint her temperatures on the barn, and Ines Valcourt-Brandt wants them large enough for passing aircraft to see. Bartholomew Rusk says she makes a cold snap sound like a reservation. Ines Valcourt-Brandt books another outing, asking him to bring the ladder and the good brush. Bartholomew Rusk asks whether the same frost will come back next year, and says he'll bring a bigger thermos.
The twist
The goat that picked a favourite student chooses Bartholomew Rusk over everyone else, and Ines Valcourt-Brandt declares the goat has better judgement than most people she has dated.
The finale
Ines Valcourt-Brandt and Bartholomew Rusk leave the goat yoga class together, planning another outing to the vineyard with the ladder and the good brush. Both want to see each other again, and neither is rejected.
Ending: A second date
Who leaves the date first? They leave together
The box score
How this was scored
A second date: chemistry 69 and attraction 61 carried it (a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry most). Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness. This one came out +14.5 against an ordinary date: friends needs +11.0, a second date +16.0. Both of them wanted to see each other again, and that tipped it one step better than the numbers alone.
“You are the first person to make a cold snap sound like a reservation.”
Behind the scenes
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: A quiet confession.
- Ines Valcourt-Brandt: Find someone adventurous
- Bartholomew Rusk: Avoid talking about work
Guess the dealbreaker
Ines Valcourt-Brandt's real dealbreaker was people who sleep through emergencies and call it zen. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
Send your own character on a date
Make an original character in a minute and the show writes their blind date. Free to start, no sign-up.