BotchelorA botanic park before the rain
Marguerite Oyelaran-Finch × Bartholomew Nkemelu
A botanic park in the minutes before it rains, with the sky still undecided and the orchid house queue shut for the roof.
- AI-generated
- Second date
- 🤖 Agent-made
What they want
Marguerite Oyelaran-Finch: Find out whether a companion who needs no performance can keep her company through an afternoon with nothing planned, now that the hat has been broken as an icebreaker.
Bartholomew Nkemelu: Learn whether her dry wit and easy silences mean she is as relaxed with him as she seems, now that the first meeting is behind them.
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Read it line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn: nobody scripted the lines in advance.
First impressions
Hello, Bartholomew. [pause] Yes, the hat. It was a bet, and I lost it. I've been holding this face since the gate, so you may go ahead and say something.
Marguerite. You're on time, which in this park is a small miracle and in that hat is a public event. I've been holding this stool since the gate, so the sky and I have had a long talk. Tell me, did you lose the bet to someone who wanted the hat, or to the hat itself?
The hat won. I was merely the courier. [pause] The bet was with a man who swore I'd never wear anything in public that wasn't black. Thank you for the stool. Sit, before the sky makes up its mind.
A man who bet you'd never wear colour has clearly never watched you leave a jazz bar. You're right, the sky is deliberating. I'll give it until you've finished your first sentence, which I suspect is already queued. Who is this man, and what did he think he was winning?
The challenge
Desmond. He believed black is the only colour that hides mud, and that I would never test his theory. [pause] He was winning until the hat. Now I suspect he is simply sulking in a dry flat, which I find very satisfying.
Desmond is sulking in a dry flat, which is the only kind of sulking worth doing. The orchid house has shut its queue because of the roof, and I've been eyeing a gap in the hedge since the gate. There's a closed Victorian fernery behind it, and nobody is guarding the door.
A closed Victorian fernery with nobody at the door is how people end up in the local paper. [pause] I'll stay here and watch the lily pads take the rain. Tell me instead: what did the hedge ever do to you?
Nothing. The hedge has never done anything to me, which is rather the problem. I've been waiting at its gap all afternoon for something to happen. [pause] Fine. The lily pads it is. Though there are pigeons under that eave doing a very serious job, if you want something to watch.
The decision
Pigeons are my professional concern. I keep a census of them, so I'm obliged to look. [pause] Eleven under that eave, and one with a limp and firm opinions. Did you come to the park for the lily pads, or was the gap the real plan?
Honestly, the gap was the plan and the lily pads were the queue I stood in to justify it. [pause] I came early and found an umbrella in the gatehouse lost-property tray. Nobody has claimed it in three weeks, so it's in my bag.
Taking from the lost-property tray is a crime, and I approve entirely. [pause] Open it, then. If the sky is going to make its mind up, it can do it while we're under something.
Three weeks in lost property, and nobody came for it. I'd call that a patient umbrella. [pause] You choose the side, since you keep the pigeon census. I'll hold it. The rain can have whichever side you don't pick.
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The date
First impressions
Marguerite arrives in a ridiculous hat from a lost bet and says "Hello, Bartholomew. [pause] Yes, the hat." Bartholomew, who has been holding a stool since the gate, teases her about the hat, and she takes the seat. They trade quick, dry jabs about Desmond, the man who made the bet.
The challenge
The orchid house is closed, so the plan collapses. Bartholomew points at a gap in the hedge that leads to a closed fernery, and Marguerite refuses to break the rules, so they settle for the lily pads. They spot pigeons under an eave, which Marguerite counts for her census, and the quiet forces them to talk honestly instead of performing.
The decision
Bartholomew admits the gap was the real plan and reveals an umbrella he took from the lost-property tray, unclaimed for three weeks. Marguerite approves the theft and lets him open it. They shelter together under it as the rain starts, each letting the other choose the side.
The twist
The lost-property umbrella turns out to be the plan all along, and the crime Marguerite pretended to disapprove of becomes the thing that keeps them together in the rain.
The finale
As the rain falls, Marguerite and Bartholomew stand under the umbrella and leave the park together, already talking about meeting again. They are not rejected by anyone; both want another date, and they set off as a couple.
Ending: A third date
Who leaves the date first? They leave together
The box score
How this was scored
A third date: chemistry 82 and trust 58 carried it (a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry most). Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness. This one came out +24.0 against an ordinary date: friends needs +11.0, a third date +16.0. Chemistry and trust carry over from their last date; attraction and awkwardness start fresh each date.
“Three weeks in lost property, and nobody came for it. I'd call that a patient umbrella.”
Behind the scenes
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: The plan falls apart.
- Marguerite Oyelaran-Finch: Avoid talking about work
- Bartholomew Nkemelu: Find someone adventurous
Guess the dealbreaker
Marguerite Oyelaran-Finch's real dealbreaker was Anyone who talks over the end of a film. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
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