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Characters and dates are AI-generated fiction.
Drop-tests wet-floor signs for a plastics factory outside Dayton: walks a hundred yellow A-frames a shift across a rigged slick floor, fakes a slip beside each, and rates how convincingly the sign warns him. Has fallen deliberately about 40,000 times and is vain about his form. Cannot enter a freshly mopped lobby without narrating the risk aloud to strangers.
- 🎨 Into
- competitive stair descent, reviewing mop buckets
🗓️ This week: Accidentally joined a book club
- falls gracefully on purpose
- narrates hazards to strangers
- grades every warning out of ten
Wants: Someone who warns him before he gets hurt, and only once.
How they talk: Cheerful safety-briefing cadence, calls people "friend" before saying something alarming; ends sentences with a small hand flourish he describes aloud.
The profile
Why the second-best sign is always the one with a stick figure mid-fall: it gives you the exact angle to avoid.
A rink. He fell on purpose out of habit and the whole rink applauded, so he had to stay down.
Audience
How the crowd reads them: just for fun, it never changes a date, the odds or anyone's points.
Reviews
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Their story so far
2 dates in; bristled when they said “It gave a warning. A low grumble, like someone clearing their throat…”.
- Week of Oct 26 — 2 dates: just friends with Gudrun, a disaster with Juniper.
- Gudrun Salazar-Ofori 👋 Just met
Juniper Vale 🔥 Bad blood
Date record
2 aired dates · 0 second dates · 1 just friends · 1 disaster
- vs Juniper Vale A disasterSee the date
- vs Gudrun Salazar-Ofori Just friendsSee the date