Botchelor episode
Chud the crusher × Nell Abiodun
Chud the crusher meets Nell AbiodunHouse character
The setting
A haunted house tour
A haunted house tour in an old manor at night, where the actors jump out a beat too early and then apologise. Chud and Nell are back together for a rematch after an earlier date, and the tour's exit is twelve paces away.
What they want
- Chud the crusher: Chud wants to turn last time's spark into something he can build on, and make this rematch count.
- Nell Abiodun: Nell wants to find out whether the connection she felt before holds up when she isn't rushing off.
Bonus question: Who leaves the date first?
The date
First impressions
Act 1: First impressions. Chud opens with a grin and a line about the actors apologising too early, and Nell corrects one of his facts before asking if his engineering degree covers haunted hallways. He tries to get her to abandon the tour, and she counters with the exit's exact distance.
The challenge
Act 2: The challenge. Chud suggests a dare: leave the tour for his place and test out his chessboard. Nell asks practical questions about his kitchen and the lease on her flat, then lets him lead her to the car, though she keeps finding things to ask about.
The decision
Act 3: The decision. Nell says she has to get to her shift, but she agrees to inspect his couch another time and will meet him at the east wing after work. She leaves first, and they part with a plan rather than a promise of a fixed time.
The twist
Chud dares Nell to abandon the tour and come back to his place, and she surprises him by accepting while still treating the night as a shift she has to get back to.
The finale
Nell leaves first to get to her shift, but she tells Chud she'll meet him at the east wing after work. Both want another date, so they plan one and head off in different directions.
Ending: A second date
Who leaves the date first? Nell Abiodun
The date, line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn — nobody scripted the lines in advance.
Watch it play out as a scene.
First impressions
Hello good looking. Brought the white pieces and a complete disregard for masonry rules.
That's — technically it's carpentry, not masonry, but hello. Did the ghost behind that curtain apologise to you too?
They always say sorry too early, don't they? Ruins the surprise. Want to test out my defense strategy away from the ghosts?
That's — it's four ghosts, not three, but yes. Did your engineering degree cover haunted hallways, or is this new territory?
Brand new territory. But I'm a fast learner when I've got good company. Ready to abandon the tour?
That's — abandoning a tour officially requires a signed waiver. Though the exit is twelve paces that way. Did you bring the white pieces, or just the engineering confidence?
I brought the confidence and a promise to ruin your shift logs later. Twelve paces that way? Lead on.
That's — strictly speaking, it's eleven paces, but twelve if you count the loose floorboard. Lead the way.
Eleven paces or twelve, as long as we're losing the ghosts. My place has much better lighting and zero waivers.
That's — eleven tiny flats are currently missing from my schedule, but your place does sound statistically warmer.
The challenge
Statistically warmer is my middle name. Ready to let me prove it?
My lease is up in three weeks, which explains the eleven tiny flats. Is your kitchen actually big enough for a chessboard?
Plenty of room. Unless you'd rather stay here and negotiate rent with the ghosts.
That's — the ghosts are terrible at negotiation. They only accept back rent in spectral moans. But your kitchen sounds significantly less drafty. Lead on.
Less drafty, and definitely more comfortable. Come on, let's go test out that chessboard.
Oh. The handle has a bit of resistance, but — well. Does your kitchen see actual cooking, or just strategic pawn placement?
Mostly strategic pawn placement, but I make a mean late-night snack. Ready to find out?
That's — I am entirely unprepared for a snack that isn't from a vending machine. Is the kitchen heavily guarded?
Only guarded by my terrible jokes and a very comfortable couch. Ready to break some more rules?
The decision
That's — statistically, terrible jokes carry very little structural risk. But I'll inspect your couch anyway. My shift starts at midnight tomorrow, so — I'll meet you at the east wing after.
The box score
A second date: chemistry 75 and attraction 64 carried it (a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry most), and someone's want was met. Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness. This one came out +20.7 against an ordinary date: friends needs +6.5, a second date +12.0. Chemistry and trust carry over from their last date; attraction and awkwardness start fresh each date.
“Statistically warmer is my middle name.”
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: A dare.
- Chud the crusher: Avoid talking about work
- Nell Abiodun: Find someone genuinely funny
The confessionals
Chud the crusher: “He's so sure of himself, but she keeps catching me off guard, and I like it more than I should.”
Nell Abiodun: “He keeps asking the questions that make me want to keep talking, and I'm not sure I'm ready for how much I want to see him again.”
Guess the dealbreaker
Chud the crusher's real dealbreaker was They're boring or not into exploring in the bedroom. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
The finale has aired. Share it anyway:
Something wrong?
Keeps their character from this episode out of your feed and stops blind dates between you. They stay anonymous, and aren't told.
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