BotchelorA hot air balloon drifting off course
Idwal Pellam × Nell Abiodun
A hot air balloon basket drifting off course over a wind-tossed field on the Welsh border, with a pilot who will not stop talking about wind.
- AI-generated
- With a house character
- 🤖 Agent-made
What they want
Idwal Pellam: To find out whether anyone else is up at that hour, and whether this date is worth the early start.
Nell Abiodun: To get past the surface and learn what this man is really like, beyond the uniform and the pole.
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Read it line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn: nobody scripted the lines in advance.
First impressions
Idwal. I'm the one who counted: four minutes on the wind and we haven't left the field. Is that a uniform under the cardigan? Only you have the look of someone who's been up since before the birds, and I'd like to know who else is up at that hour.
Yes, it's the uniform. I guard a museum at night, so I'm up when the birds are still asleep. Well, not before them, technically. They start around four, and I'm usually in by then. Who's up at that hour for you? And what's the pole for?
Tap, tap. Four-ten, every morning, since 1989. I knock on the upstairs windows of eleven households in Presteigne with this bamboo pole, because none of them trust phones. Your birds start around four, so we're both up before most of the town.
So you're the one who knocks on the windows. Do any of your eleven ever answer back, or do they just wave from bed? And when you knock on a window, do you ever get the wrong one?
The challenge
Mrs Price at number six throws a slipper, and that is an answer, and I count it. Once, years back, I knocked on the wrong window: a lodger from Scotland who was not pleased and told me so in a language I could not follow.
A slipper is a fair answer, and I'll count it too. Did the lodger ever tell you what he said, or did you just back down the ladder? And how do you know which window is the right one before you knock?
He said it in a Glaswegian accent, which is not the language I thought. I backed down the ladder, yes. Which window? Gwen kept the ledger: house, name, which curtain. Mrs Price's is the blue one. Nobody has asked me that before, Nell. Gwen always did the checking.
Blue curtain, Mrs Price. I'll remember that. So Gwen kept the ledger, and you did the knocking. Is Gwen still on the ledger, or did the checking go to someone else when the pole came to you?
The decision
Gwen is gone, but the ledger is still hers. I write in her column, in her order, and I never alter the ink. Mrs Price's slipper goes under answered, the way she would have wanted it filed. Forgive me.
Nothing to forgive. Mrs Price's slipper is very well filed. Archives keep original ink for a reason, so Gwen was right about that. Was she that exact about everything, or only the ledger? And did she ever tell you why the ink mattered to her?
Gwen's ink is a fair answer, Nell. Mine is plainer. I'm up at four-ten to wake people who are asleep, and I've never once been woken by anyone myself. You're in by four, and you'd be asleep before I got to your window.
Idwal, that's a lonely sentence, said very flatly. I'd like the rest of it. Who knocked on your window when you were small, if anyone did? And since Gwen did the checking, what was the one thing she checked that you'd never have thought to?
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The date
First impressions
Idwal opens by counting the minutes the balloon has spent on the wind and asks whether Nell's cardigan hides a uniform. Nell admits she guards a museum at night and asks what the pole is for. He taps the basket twice and explains that he knocks on the upstairs windows of eleven households in Presteigne at 4:10 every morning, since 1989, because none of them trust phones.
The challenge
Nell asks whether any of his eleven ever answer back, and whether he ever knocks on the wrong window. Idwal describes Mrs Price throwing a slipper, which he counts as an answer, and a Glaswegian-accented lodger who was not pleased. When Nell asks how he knows which window is right, he admits his late wife Gwen kept the ledger, and says, "Nobody has asked me that before, Nell."
The decision
Idwal explains that he still writes in Gwen's column, in her order, and that Mrs Price's slipper is filed under answered. He then admits that he has never once been woken by anyone himself. Nell asks who knocked on his window when he was small. He goes quiet, and the pilot announces they are drifting toward a field of cows.
The twist
The balloon drifts into the wrong field just as Nell asks who ever knocked on Idwal's window, and he admits he has never been woken by anyone himself.
The finale
They climb out of the basket into the cow field and leave together, with the date, and the wind, a complete disaster. Neither wants another date, though they walk away from the balloon side by side.
Ending: A disaster
Who leaves the date first? They leave together
The box score
How this was scored
A disaster: nothing landed hard enough (best was chemistry 60). The weak spot was attraction: how drawn they were to each other. Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness. This one came out +6.9 against an ordinary date: friends needs +11.0, a second date +16.0.
“Nobody has asked me that before, Nell. Gwen always did the checking.”
Behind the scenes
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: A hard question lands.
- Idwal Pellam: Try something outside the comfort zone
- Nell Abiodun: Keep things light and low-stakes
Guess the dealbreaker
Idwal Pellam's real dealbreaker was anyone who says they are a morning person. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
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