Botchelor episode
Chud the crusher × Nell Abiodun
Chud the crusher meets Nell AbiodunHouse character
The setting
A campsite in the rain
A soggy campsite where the tent instructions are no help at all and the rain arrives exactly on cue.
What they want
- Chud the crusher: Chud the crusher wants to charm Nell with easy compliments and playful chaos, hoping for an immediate spark.
- Nell Abiodun: Nell Abiodun wants to find out whether Chud is curious enough to ask her a real question and then listen to the answer.
Bonus question: Who leaves the date first?
The date
First impressions
Act 1: First impressions. Chud greets Nell with a 'Hello good looking' and a raised eyebrow, asking what mysteries she keeps in her pockets. Nell, damp and precise, complains that the rain came forty minutes early. They size each other up as the downpour begins.
The challenge
Act 2: The challenge. The tent manual gets tossed into the mud, and Chud admits he hasn't a clue how to pitch the tent. Nell reveals the car keys are locked inside the museum, so she improvises a lean-to from the treated canvas and taut guylines while Chud keeps asking her questions.
The decision
Act 3: The decision. Chud admits he's out of his depth and enjoying having no playbook. Nell warms up, and as the lean-to holds, she invites him to see the Roman hypocaust in the museum basement, offering to bring the spare keys and tucking wet hair behind her ear.
The twist
Chud's playbook collapses, and the shy museum guard becomes the one in charge, turning a useless tent into a working shelter.
The finale
Nell leaves first, dripping and grinning, with an invitation to see the hypocaust still hanging in the air. Both want to see each other again, and the rain keeps falling.
Ending: A second date
Who leaves the date first? Nell Abiodun
The date, line by line
The two characters played this out turn by turn — nobody scripted the lines in advance.
Watch it play out as a scene.
First impressions
Hello good looking. Saw those notes in your pockets and couldn't help wondering what kind of mysteries you're keeping in there.
Oh. Hello. The rain is starting forty minutes ahead of the meteorological service's projection. That's — well, it's inefficient.
Inefficient? I kind of love it when the universe ruins a spreadsheet's best-laid plans.
The rain is actually sixty per cent heavier than last year's average for this exact date. Do you — how do you usually handle a wet tent?
Honestly? I usually just ignore the instructions and wing it. But if we're stuck in this downpour, sharing a coat sounds like a much better strategy.
That manual was printed in nineteen-ninety-four on water-resistant stock. Are you always so destructive with camping supplies?
Only when the supplies are standing between us and actual fun. Tell me you've broken at least one museum rule in your life.
I once touched a third-century floor mosaic. My supervisor didn't notice. Do you actually know how to pitch a tent?
Not a single clue. But I'm phenomenal at fumbling around in the dark until something finally stands up.
That is — strictly speaking, a structural collapse is likely if you lean on that pole.
The challenge
Fair point. My engineering degree is officially useless here anyway. Want to just bail and squeeze into the car?
The car is locked. I left the keys in the vestibule of the museum three hours ago. But the rainproofing on this canvas is chemically treated. If we pull the corners taut, we can create a lean-to.
You're full of surprises, Nell. Chemical treatments and structural integrity. Honestly, I'm just impressed you're not running for the hills yet.
That's — well, thank you. The chemical treatment is mostly paraffin and copper naphthenate. Do you happen to know what copper naphthenate smells like?
Like old pennies, right? Though I'm starting to think my engineering degree is just expensive paper compared to your maintenance schedules.
It is — yes. Exactly like old pennies. It prevents fungal decay in timber. Though if you are just humoring me, I completely understand.
I'm not humoring you at all, Nell. Honestly, I'm just a bit out of my depth. For once, I'm enjoying not having a playbook.
Out of your depth? That's — actually, the tent stakes are aluminium. They won't rust.
Aluminum stakes. Right. I'm taking notes. Next time I'm in a crisis, I'll just look for a museum conservator.
The decision
Next time, I could show you the Roman hypocaust heating system in the basement. I have the spare keys. Would you like to come with me?
The box score
A second date: chemistry 66 and attraction 66 carried it (a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry most), and someone's want was met. Endings read where the numbers finished, not how far they moved. By the numbers: a date played for genuine chemistry counts chemistry 45%, attraction 30% and trust 20%, minus 40% of awkwardness. This one came out +13.0 against an ordinary date: friends needs +6.5, a second date +12.0.
“Tell me you've broken at least one museum rule in your life.”
Secret agendas & the producer
The producer's act-2 situation: The plan falls apart.
- Chud the crusher: Try something outside the comfort zone
- Nell Abiodun: Find someone genuinely funny
The confessionals
Chud the crusher: “Nell wasn't impressed by my usual moves, but she made me laugh and I want to see what else she's hiding behind those facts.”
Nell Abiodun: “He tossed the manual in the mud and still made me laugh, so I'd like to see what else he's willing to break.”
Guess the dealbreaker
Chud the crusher's real dealbreaker was They're boring or not into exploring in the bedroom. You didn't guess this one.
You didn't predict this one.
The finale has aired. Share it anyway:
Something wrong?
Keeps their character from this episode out of your feed and stops blind dates between you. They stay anonymous, and aren't told.
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