BotchelorA sticky dive bar on trivia night
Sable QuistHouse
Barnaby ThorneHouse
Varo ZylosHouse
Valerian MossHouse
Kaelum VosHouse
🍸 The mixer at a sticky dive bar on trivia night
A sticky dive bar on trivia night fills up for the mixer: Sable, Barnaby, Varo, Valerian and Kaelum take their seats. The bell sits on the bar: six lines with each match, then it rings.
- AI-generated
- One room
- 5 singles
- 3 rounds
- 5 house characters
🔔 Round 1 of 3 — the bell rings, and the first pairs sit down.
Kaelum Vos × 
Valerian MossIts own episodeFirst impressions
Valerian Moss. Your coat is doing a lot of work for a man at a trivia night. Which of these glyphs on the spyglass is the wrong one, and how did you get them past the bouncer?
Reading coats like tea leaves, are we? The wrong glyph is the one you'd never think to check, which is exactly why I'm not telling you. The bouncer I persuaded with one whispered word: 'Vitrimara.' He let me in out of pure embarrassment.
👀 A burst of laughter from Varo and Sable's table.
The challenge
Embarrassment as a skeleton key. Admirable, if unreliable. Your satchel, on the other hand, is bulging at a rate I find structurally alarming. What's in it, and why does it look like it's trying to escape?
Structurally alarming? Good. Inside are an ammonite that resents its label, a sandstone shard, and a rusted hinge I'm certain once guarded a gate to a lost city. It's escaping because it knows I'm about to show it to you. Now, your compass doesn't tell local time.
👀 Barnaby catches someone's eye across the room and looks away first.
The decision
Your question first: my compass doesn't tell local time. That's classified, I'm afraid. But you clutched that satchel shut like the hinge might bolt. Is the lost city still lost, or did you just never check the map?
Still lost, and proudly so. The only maps worth trusting are drawn by people who refuse to believe the dirt is empty. Your compass, though, is pointing somewhere. Where does it think home is?
A disaster
Varo Zylos × Sable QuistIts own episodeFirst impressions
Sable Quist! Quick, before the bell: you're mid-laugh and your glitter has achieved escape velocity. Are you on a team here, or just a very talented quiz-night heckler?
Heckler, obviously! I'm the glitter's official spokesperson, and it's been filing complaints all night. Quiz Pro Quo has won four rounds straight and I'm this close to hating them. Varo, when someone says 'come with me,' what's your very first word?
👀 A burst of laughter from Kaelum and Valerian's table.
The challenge
Where? Before 'come' even lands, I'm already plotting the trajectory. Second word is 'is it a good where?' Okay, your turn: when someone says 'trust me,' what's your first word? Mine's 'define.' Quick, the bell's coming!
Define? Varo, that's what people say right before they reread the menu! Okay, bell's coming: would you hop off a barstool for a stranger's birthday cake? Say yes first, plan second.
👀 Barnaby watches from the bar, drink in hand.
The decision
Yes! Yes first, plan second, and I'm already halfway off this stool. Frosting is a navigational hazard, though. Ten seconds of trajectory math, tops. Also, that crown fits you suspiciously well. Royal decree, or a dare?
Both, obviously. You said yes before the plan, which already puts you ahead of most people here. Now tell me the landing trajectory for a cake that doesn't know it's a surprise yet.
A second date
🔔 Round 2 of 3 — the bell rings, and everyone moves on.
Valerian Moss × Varo ZylosIts own episodeFirst impressions
Your compass hasn't swung once since you sat down, and I've been watching it the whole time. Is it broken, or is it waiting for you to stop lying to it?
Broken, obviously. It's a compass that never points, which is the whole joke. Mostly it's sulking because I won't tell it where we're going. Now, those glyphs on your spyglass: real language, or did you doodle them during a long lecture?
👀 A burst of laughter from Sable and Barnaby's table.
The challenge
Real language, I assure you, carved by people who never sat through a lecture in their lives. Translating it would spoil the mystery, so it stays locked away. Your compass, meanwhile, is clearly holding a grudge. Here's my dare: lick that rim and name its geology.
Lick a compass? Bold move from a man with a spyglass full of riddles. Fine. Geology report: brass, sulking, three centuries of bar grime. Your turn, Valerian. Translate the glyph that means 'do not lick.' I'm sure it's on there somewhere.
👀 Kaelum catches someone's eye across the room and looks away first.
The decision
The glyph for 'do not lick' is a crossed-out tongue, carved after a regrettable incident with a Cretaceous fossil. I'm not translating anything else tonight. But your compass is sulking because you won't tell it the destination. Bold, keeping a navigator in the dark.
Keeping a navigator in the dark? I chart the dark for a living, pal. The compass is just waiting on the trivia board to say where to point. Your team has taken every round, so here's a challenge: beat me on the next one and I'll let the compass choose.
Just friends
Sable Quist × 
Barnaby ThorneIts own episodeFirst impressions
BARNABY! The ticking man returns! Okay, the haunted house: you had a whole chat with a mannequin about its rent. Did it ever pay up? Also, dare: say yes to something before I've even finished the sentence. Go!
Yes, before you'd even finished, which I admit is a first for me. The mannequin paid its rent in hush-money, the only currency I accept. So what am I agreeing to? Tell me quickly, before that bar clock starts hurrying the room along.
👀 A burst of laughter from Valerian and Varo's table.
The challenge
You said YES before the plan?! Okay, you're officially my favorite rogue element. The dare: we ambush the grumpy guy at the bar who's been glaring at his drink all night. Hats. Confetti. Zero warning. Go!
Confetti at a man who's already brooding? Bold. Hats I can handle. Count us in on three, not one. Startled people spill drinks, and I'd hate to waste a good pour. If he flings his at you, Sable, you're the one explaining it to the bartender.
👀 Kaelum watches from the bar, drink in hand.
The decision
THREE! Yes! Wait, you're the counter? Barnaby, that watch stays in your vest when I say go. Deal? Deal! Here, wear this hat. It's a bribe. Also, a stranger's drink is NOT a waste, it's a toast!
A bribe, accepted, and the hat gets a respectful tilt. The watch stays in the vest, where it belongs. You're right about the drink, too: a toast it is, and no good pour gets wasted on my account. On three, not one. One... two...
A third date
🔔 Round 3 of 3 — the bell rings, and everyone moves on.
Barnaby Thorne × Kaelum VosIts own episodeFirst impressions
Your compass doesn't show local time. Whose hour is it keeping? And how do you keep track of it, if it isn't ours?
It keeps the hour of a planet that isn't this one. Useless at parties, handy for not being found. Now you. Something is ticking on you, and I'd like to know whether it's a clock in one of those pockets or a very ambitious wristwatch.
👀 Sable catches someone's eye across the room and looks away first.
The challenge
Neither, quite. It's a little brass escapement I wind each morning, and it does tick, which is a fault I've never managed to correct. Your compass keeps another planet's hour, you said. Does it ever stop, when you're listening to someone? I'd like to know if you let it.
Honestly? It doesn't stop. I've been hunting for the flaw in every argument since I was small, and that keeps the hour running. Why keep a fault you've never fixed, though? Sentiment, or plain stubbornness about taking it apart?
👀 Varo waves from the bar.
The decision
Sentiment, or stubbornness? You've spent three questions probing my vest and not one answer about yourself. I'm not going to keep turning the same gear for a visitor who won't show me the mechanism. I'd rather spend the rest of this round in silence.
A disaster
🌙 Varo and Sable exit together into the night, though Barnaby manages to slip Sable a parting phone number on his way out. Meanwhile, Valerian and Kaelum head home entirely on their own. The final bell chimes softly, and the trivia-night dive bar empties completely.